


Today You're You, and That's Enough

by WanderingAlchemist (AsLongAsHeCanHoldAPenHesAThreat)



Category: Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure (Cartoon)
Genre: Adira and Hector are Varian’s cousins for Casting Purposes, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Anxiety, Gen, Parent Quirin (Disney), References to Canon, Theater Kid Drama, Trans Varian is vaguely implied, Varian Has Issues (Disney), it's a production of Dear Evan Hansen what do you expect, it’s an AU don’t think too much lol, little to do with canon but also avoiding OOC, more tags may be added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:09:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24784405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsLongAsHeCanHoldAPenHesAThreat/pseuds/WanderingAlchemist
Summary: Corona High School is putting on a production of Dear Evan Hansen! To everyone's surprise, the young sophomore Varian was eager to audition, and managed to land the lead role. Little did Varian know how close to home it would hit, and when he finally realized, he is left with a burning question:"Will I ever be more than I've always been?"(A fic inspired by @/liz.potent's (instagram) high school AU and @/inhonoredglory's (also instagram) artwork! Please check them out they're wonderful)
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 42





	1. Flying Blind

**CORONA HIGH SCHOOL’S PRODUCTION OF DEAR EVAN HANSEN – CAST LIST**   
**EVAN HANSEN – VARIAN**   
**HEIDI HANSEN – RAPUNZEL**   
**ZOE MURPHY – CASSANDRA**   
**CONNOR MURPHY – EUGENE**   
**CYNTHIA MURPHY – ADIRA**   
**LARRY MURPHY – LANCE**   
**JARED KLEINMAN – HUGO**   
**ALANA BECK – NURU**

Varian blinked, staring at the cast list. He had to read his name again to be certain he wasn’t seeing things. Sure enough, there it was:

_EVAN HANSEN - VARIAN_

His eyes widened in shocked. Sure, he’d been confident in his audition – it was a little known fact that he often sang while performing experiments alone in his room, so he’d had plenty of practice – but still, he was dumbfounded. He didn’t know a lot about Dear Evan Hansen, but it didn’t take much brainpower to know that the titular role was a pretty big deal.

Varian could hear some students around him, muttering:

“They cast a sophomore as the lead?”

“That awkward kid?”

“Didn’t he start a fire last week?”

 _What does that last one have to do with anything?_ Varian thought, annoyed. He glanced at a nearby clock. Crap, the bus was gonna leave him at school if he stood there any longer. Shaking his head as he walked away, Varian did his best to ignore the gossip. Surprisingly it worked, and soon enough he found himself grinning from ear-to-ear. _Dad’s gonna be so proud!_

Suddenly, SLAP! A friendly hand met Varian’s back, shaking him out of his thoughts and making him jump. “GAH!”

“Congratulations buddy!” exclaimed the voice of Eugene Fitzherbert. The senior knew how to make an entrance, for sure.

Varian sighed in exasperation, relaxing his tensed muscles. “Eugene–!”

“I can’t believe it! Team Awesome goes Broadway!” Eugene interrupted, laughing. He began to walk alongside Varian. “I was surprised enough to see you at auditions, and now here you are! I’m glad you’re putting yourself out there more, Varian!”

“Heh, yeah, me too,” Varian nodded. “I’m keeping busy, for sure. Congrats to you too!”

“Thank youuuu!” The taller boy gave a dramatic bow, and then had to pretend he didn’t nearly trip as he did so. Casually, he asked, “So, what brought you to the theater cult– I mean club? Chemistry boring you?”

Varian chuckled. “The bookwork is too easy, but the labs are never boring.” He adjusted his backpack as he tried to remember how many extra experiments he’d done in there (successful or not). “And yeah, I’ve always got science club too, but the guidance counselor’s been bugging me to ‘diversify my transcript,’ and the theater production was my first thought. I’m surprised I got this far, though!”

“Well the drama crew is happy to have you, Varian Hansen!” Eugene laughed as the two exited the building, heading to their respective buses. “See you at rehearsal tomorrow!”

\------------------

Varian practically ran off the bus when it finally pulled up to his home on the outskirts of town. Old Corona, the area was called. It was a sparsely-populated village with quite a bit of farmland, which meant that Varian didn’t exactly have anyone nearby to visit. Rarely was he excited to return to the house where only he, his father, and his cat Ruddiger resided, but today he couldn’t wait to see the look on his dad’s face when he told him the news.

Usually when Varian brought home news from school, he was in a hurry to explain what happened before the inevitable phone call – now that was always stressful. But this was different. Varian finally felt like he’d done something good.

“Dad!” He called as he bolted through the front door. To Varian’s disappointmet, there was no response. A note on the table caught his eye:

 _Son_ (Varian smiled at that, appreciating how Quirin would always emphasize the word),

_I’ll be working late tonight. There’s pizza in the fridge._

_Go to the neighbors if you need anything._

_Please behave._

_\- Dad_

Varian sighed, accepting that his news would have to wait until at least tomorrow. Though that wasn’t what bugged him most about these notes, which were becoming more and more frequent lately. Varian knew his dad was a prominent leader of the community with many responsibilities, but why’d he have to be so vague? Whenever Varian asked about his dad’s job, Quirin often changed the subject. Didn’t he trust his son enough to let him know where his father was and what he was doing?

 _Can’t be that big a deal; not like we live in the city,_ Varian thought crossly, heading to his room to do his homework. He found it harder to concentrate than usual. Even with Ruddiger pitter-pattering around the halls, the house was quiet. Looking out the window, all that could be seen were trees, fields, and the occasional house. Varian almost felt as though the lonesome, empty atmosphere was crushing him, no matter how much work he threw himself into. Once he had nothing left to do, he turned to his lab; for he had no one to talk to, and nothing to say.

\------------------

The next day, Varian left his own note on the table as he headed to the school bus:

_Staying late after school, getting a ride home._

_\- Varian_

_P.S. Not detention again, I promise; no fires this week._

Was it a bit petty to be that vague? Maybe. Varian tried to convince himself that it was because he was in a hurry, but he’d jotted it down the night before. and just couldn’t be bothered to write any more than that before falling asleep. To be fair, he did want to tell his dad about the musical in person, but he still felt a little bad.

The bus ride and the subsequent school day seemed to drag. Even chemistry, his favorite class, seemed excruciatingly endless. After what felt like years, the final bell rang, and he was able to make his way to the auditorium.

Eugene was already waiting there with Rapunzel, Cassandra, and Lance. “There’s our star!” he cheered as Varian walked in, making the younger boy hunch his shoulders a bit. Varian felt self-conscious as it was, being the only sophomore.

Cassandra rolled her eyes in response, though Varian knew it had less to do with him and more to do with the senior’s antics.

Then Varian caught sight of his cousins, Adira and Hector. Adira, as usual, had a serious look about her that contrasted with her elaborate makeup and flowing white hair. Hector, on the other hand, looked like he’d rather be elsewhere, but it was well-known that he was to lead the stage crew this year. Varian and Hector had something of a rivalry going on – Varian still hadn’t forgotten the time the senior had mocked him for his lack of facial hair. The younger boy sighed. _I’m sure he’ll act professional_ , he thought, doing his best to put the vendetta aside.

A couple of juniors, Hugo and Nuru, were there as well, talking amongst themselves and taking little interest in the seniors or Varian. Varian had spoken to them both once or twice before, but had yet to get to know them.

The director soon called them all to attention, instructing the students to sit in the front row of the auditorium. “Welcome everyone,” she began once everyone had settled in. “Before we begin, I am aware that some of you may not know each other. I imagine you’ll figure it out, as this is a small cast, but don’t let the size of this production fool you into taking it any less seriously. Now,” she turned to Varian and pointed at him, “introduce yourself and tell us why you’re here.”

Varian raised an eyebrow, confused. “Why I’m-?” he stopped to think for a second, already feeling the weight of expectation upon him. “Well… I’m Varian, and, uh, I’m here to give my best to this role!” It was all he could do not to cringe at himself. He hadn’t expected to be put on the spot so soon. _Was that the right answer? I’m starting to miss science club already…_

The director merely nodded, then turned to Rapunzel and pointed.

“Oh!” The girl smiled widely. “I’m Rapunzel, and I’m here for a new experience! I’ve never done a musical before!”

That surprised Varian a bit, but he supposed it shouldn’t be any shock that the mayor’s daughter was so busy all the time. It was no surprise that the time to commit to a theater role would be hard to find.

Cassandra was next: “I’m Cass, and I’m here to play Zoe Murphy.”

Varian couldn’t help but smile, admiring how to-the-point she was.

This went on until the cast was well-acquainted with everyone’s names and goals: Eugene was here to fuel his passion for acting (and support Rapunzel of course); Adira to expand her skill set; Lance to face his stage fright; Hugo “for the attention” (Varian wasn’t sure what to think of that answer, but judging by Hugo’s smirk he assumed the junior was satisfied with it); and Nuru to meet new people.

Hector was the last to introduce himself. “The name’s Hector, and I’m here to make sure you don’t break the set.” Everyone laughed, but Varian felt for sure that the young man was eyeing him.

The director simply nodded with each answer. “Motives,” she explained as the laughter died down, “can tell you a lot about a person. There is not necessarily a right or wrong answer. However – there are many, many, gray areas, and some are darker than others. As we go into this production, I want you all to remember that as you get into character. Now, let us begin.  
“Your scripts are on the piano. Please turn to page seven. I’ll give you ten minutes to look them over, and then we’ll read through a few key scenes. Now Hector, when you’re designing the set…” She walked off with Hector, leaving the cast to their books.

“Geez, on the nose much? We all know the story,” Hugo chuckled quietly to Varian as they reached the bookshelf.

Varian glanced around before finally realizing Hugo was talking to him. “Well, uh, I don’t really, actually,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck self-consciously. “I know the basics of course, but I’m not much of a theater kid.”

“Oh!” Hugo laughed. “Don’t worry, you will be.” He lowered his voice to an ominous whisper, smirking at the younger teen. “You will be…”

Varian raised an eyebrow. Maybe this is what Eugene meant by “cult- I mean club…”

Hugo laughed again, waving a hand dismissively. “Seriously though, don’t sweat it; you’ll have fun, even if you are flying blind!” With that, the junior gave a cheeky grin, took his script, and walked to a nearby seat.

Varian took his own script and sat down, staring at the book. He felt a familiar tightness well up in his chest as he thought about what Hugo said. _Here I am, trying something new and already blowing it. Am I really ready for this?_ He breathed a sigh, knowing there was no turning back now.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” he muttered, opening the script.


	2. And There's Nobody Around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Varian gets a taste of acting, in more ways than one.

Varian studied each page of his script intently. Most of that first rehearsal was to be spent penciling in cues, and he knew he couldn’t afford to miss a single one. The first page was daunting enough: the musical would open up with a long monologue from none other than Evan Hansen, and he knew there would be more to come.

Idle chatter could be heard every now and again – Rapunzel and Eugene whispering excitedly, Lance expressing concern for how many lines he’d been given (followed by a curt “You’ll manage,” courtesy of Cassandra), Hugo cackling at Jared Kleinman’s less-than-PG quips – but mostly it was a comfortable silence. That worked for Varian, though admittedly his missed the freedom he had to talk to himself as he did in his lab at home. He found himself muttering every now and again as he wrote, but remembering where he was, Varian quickly shut his mouth.

_Huh, getting into the role already…_ he thought as more and more self-consciousness crept up on him.

Varian couldn’t deny that as he read the script, he felt a bit taken aback by Evan’s reticence. Sure, Varian wasn’t always the most socially adept, but to be so _afraid_ all the time…

_Or is it how Evan_ shows _how afraid he is all the time?_

Varian shook his head, already trying to retreat from the thought. _It’s just a play. Of course they gotta make this stuff clear,_ he reasoned, returning to his marking.

He was about done with act one when the director called time for the day. Varian grinned down at his script, proud that he’d managed to get so much of it done in one sitting. _Maybe this won’t be so hard after all…_ Despite his reservations about performing the part, he was sure a methodological approach would get him through just fine. And to the character’s credit, by the end of act one, Evan didn’t seem to be as bad at hiding things as Varian initially thought.

Though now that he could see where to story was going… 

“Varian? Earth to Varian!” Eugene called out, kneeling in front of the younger boy, who was still in his chair staring at his script.

“Huh?” Varian answered, snapping out of his thoughts and quickly getting up. “O-oh.” He brushed back his hair, embarrassed.

Eugene chuckled. Rapunzel was next to him, looking a little bit sorry but suppressing her own laughter.

Varian honestly couldn’t blame them. _I must look like a real dork._ He looked around, seeing that everyone else was already gone. “Sorry, uh, what did you say, Eugene?”

“I _said,_ do you need a ride home?” Eugene repeated, giving the boy a kind smile.

“Oh jeez, I completely forgot!” Varian winced, realizing he’d forgotten to ask earlier. “Y-yeah, that’d be great. It’s a bit out of the way, though…”

“Fine by me!” Eugene replied cheerfully.

“Are you all right, Varian?” Rapunzel asked, noticing the boy’s jumpiness. “I understand if you’re nervous… honestly, I am too. We’ve got a lot to memorize!”

“Heh, yeah–”

“And the _story!_ Gosh, I was already crying!” Rapunzel continued as the three of them exited the building together. “It’ll be okay, though. I know you’ll do great.” She finished with a warm smile, matching the gentle sunset illuminating the parking lot.

“Thanks Rapunzel,” Varian said, smiling back.

“Now,” Rapunzel said, approaching her car and digging through her purse, “where are my-”

“Keys?” Eugene asked, smirking and twirling her car keys in his fingers.

“Hey! You pickpocket!” Rapunzel laughed, snatching them from her boyfriend’s hands. She tried to smirk, but couldn’t help but break into more laughter. Finally, she managed, “ _I’m_ driving, remember?”

Eugene grinned and resigned himself to the passenger seat as Varian climbed into the back. Now it was Varian’s turn to laugh, earning a joking “Who’s side are you on?!” from ‘Master Thief, Flynn Rider’ himself. “Ha! You win this one, Sunshine.”

“I always do~!” Rapunzel replied, starting the car and driving out of the parking lot.

\------------------

As they pulled up to Varian’s house, he was quick to notice that the driveway was empty yet again. Nothing unusual there. Rapunzel and Eugene, however, seemed to take notice as well.

“Is your dad here, Varian?” Rapunzel asked, frowning a bit.

“We can wait if not,” Eugene continued, giving a small smile. Varian guessed the older boy was trying to be reassuring, but it honestly bothered him.

_I’m not a child,_ he thought, and he almost said it too. _No, don’t say that. They’re being nice to you idiot, just say thanks and go. Dad will be home soon, it’s not that bad. Why are they worried about_ you _of all people?_

“He’s here,” he blurted out, opening the car door. “The car’s just with the mechanic down the road. He’s got a ride to work until it’s fixed.” The lie rolled off his tongue with ease. _It’s just for the better,_ he reasoned. _I can take care of myself._ “Thanks anyway. And thanks for the ride, too. I really appreciate it.”

Eugene looked a bit incredulous, but Rapunzel smiled, trusting his words. “Any time, Varian,” she told him. “Have a good night!”

The small, freckled boy closed the car door behind him and waved as the two drove off, walking slowly up the driveway and waiting until they were well out of sight; he then reached into his pocket for his spare key. _Good thing I left a couple of lights on this morning,_ he thought, glancing at the living room window.

On the other side of the window, Varian caught Ruddiger staring intently at him as he unlocked the door. :At least someone’s here to greet me,” Varian said as he opened the door, Ruddiger immediately running up to him. “You must be hungry, huh?”

To Varian’s surprise, there was a fresh bowl of apples on the counter. Less surprising, there was one with a cat-jaw-sized bite taken out of it. “Guess not,” he chuckled, taking the apple and slicing it up to share with the mischievous tabby. He wasn’t sure if just any cat would – or should – eat apples, but as far as he knew, Ruddiger would eat anything. He’d never become bored or desperate enough to experiment on his pet, but it was an intriguing thought nonetheless.

Next to the bowl was yet another note.

_Son_ ,

_Sorry I missed you earlier – hope you made it home safe.  
I picked these on my way home this afternoon. Don’t eat them all – I’m making pie this week.  
And certainly don’t let the cat get them. _(Varian paused to frown at Ruddiger, who looked on innocently. The boy chuckled and shook his head as he continued reading.) _  
I’m sorry I haven’t been here. I’ll explain everything soon._

 _\- Dad_  
_P.S. I didn’t get any phone calls, so your story checks out for now. But whatever you’re doing after school, I want to hear all about it._  
 _Please stay out of trouble, son._

Varian frowned. He couldn’t help but feel guilty for leaving his dad wondering about him like that. _I hope he gets home soon,_ he thought. _Dad deserves an explanation, at least._ After all, had it not been for those notes, the boy would have felt absolutely nonexistent.

As usual, Varian retreated to his room, did his homework, and continued researching his latest experiment. Tonight, though, he was having a hard time concentrating on anything. Instead, Varian found himself gazing out his bedroom window, and wondering if Quirin would ever think him fit to handle whatever he was withholding from his son. Somehow, he doubted it.

_After all,_ he thought with a sigh. _I always lead with the worst of me._

Clenching his fist, Varian glared at the papers in front of him. _Fine then, I’ll work until I have everything perfect. He’ll see._

Often, the boy would stay up long past whatever “bedtime” he was supposed to have, and in the morning would find himself with his face on his desk, having fallen asleep he the midst of his work. Tonight would be one of those long nights; and all night, there was no sign of his dad.

\------------------

When he woke up the next morning, Varian was happy to find his father fast asleep in bed.

_Better not wake him,_ he thought, scribbling a note – a _specific_ note – before heading to the bus stop.

_Play practice tonight; I’ll be home around 6._

_\- Varian_

He figured that made up it for yesterday; for now at least.

_Now,_ he thought to himself as he boarded the bus, laughing a bit, _today is going to be a good day, and here’s why: because today, you get to be someone else._

They’d all be so proud of him for getting into character so well, wouldn’t they?

_Guess I’ll find out._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Give Rapunzel more love challenge.  
> Quirin talk to your son challenge.  
> Varian stop hinging your value on how others perceive you challenge.  
> Also anyone who says Quirin baking apple pie is OOC can fight me, Varian got his mad baking skills from somewhere and wholesome, Apple-dad Quirin is my lifeblood.
> 
> Anyway yeah this has been a blast to write ; stay tuned because chapter three is going to be the most fun so far~  
> I mean, unless you don't like Team Awesome hijinks featuring smug, sassy Hugo ;)


End file.
